a truly great day

My last post was admittedly pretty downtrodden.

In contrast, I would like to report that today was a perfect, bounce-to-your-step as you walk type day. Not in an average way, but really really great. Let me share.

Yesterday, Latin went so surprisingly well!!! Of course, my energy was waning and I had even LESS time to prepare for Ethics than all my prior exams. And, considering it was the same prof as Logic (which was the sludgy brain experience), I was especially concerned w/knowing the material.

So, exhausted and worn out, I left the Ang and went to Mass... and had this little nudge: "Go to Santa Croce." I thought, "Uh, Lord, the church is closed. I'm tired. Why? It is on the OTHER side of the city. Why?" And then THE bus I would need pulls up in front of me and I resigned to go. On the way I am pondering miraculous possibilities... what could the Lord want me there for? (it occurs to me now that there is also a school by that name and maybe he meant that! haha!) This church houses the Passion relics and the finger of Thomas that was placed in Christ's side. One of my favorite places in the city. It was, of course, closed. I sat in the dark, empty piazza gazing at the facade for 45 minutes. Knowing I would get home after 9 pm and still need to prepare dinner (the Lord said, "well, Get pizza.") and THEN somehow learn 4 months of detailed material before 11:30 the next morning. But I wasn't anxious and I wasn't worried. It was peaceful and quiet and beautiful. I thought of Thomas; the Lord said, "Think of him who doubted. Don't YOU doubt me! He is proof, you never need to doubt me."

Eventually, I went home, got my pizza, took care of some details around the house and finally sat down to study around 11:15 pm. Note, I am already extremely sleep deprived. I get through maybe 1/3 of the material and am so tired I'm useless... so I crawl into bed. I wake up at 6:30 am and ready myself for a productive 4 hours. My roommate sneakily makes a big pot of coffee (awww!). I eat my left over pizza. I outline the whole course. I write down everything.

[side note - I am learning an important lesson that I knew somewhere in the dregs of my undergrad experience - I learn by doing, by seeing. I have to physically write down what I want to remember. I can't read it. I can't type it. It will not stick. So I employed this far more time consuming method.]

Time ticks by. I should have left a 1/2 hour ago. I'm racing to complete the last 2 of 8 sections. 13 more pages. I have to go...!! at this point PERFECT transportation will have to fall into my lap or I miss my 10 minute oral (eeeeek!). It doesn't. I get halfway on a slow, delayed tram. At my transfer spot, there are riot police, swat vans and rioters demonstrating. Traffic is being rerouted onto a single street, which translates to a honking parking lot. I have no bus, 8 minutes, and a 15-20 minute walk. I start racing (uphill mind you), moving as fast as I can, asthma kicking in and breaking a sweat in the humidity. A faint whisper: "This is a great mercy. A great grace." I should be in FULL FLEDGED PANICK MODE but I'm not. Either utterly resigned to my fate, or divinely assured.... I'm thinking, "Mercy? Is this so I have an excuse to postpone? study more? I just want to be done!!"

Father Wilder is pacing the room when I arrive. Only 5 minutes are remaining in my 10 minute exam slot. I frantically apologize in the midst of labored breathing. He calmly says, "Well, there are still 5 minutes. We'll just go ahead." - O boy - And yet, I had no time to worry. No time to be anxious. No time to ponder all the things I wasn't sure I knew. I was calm. And I knocked it out of the park. I knew everything. I did GREAT!

You probably don't see the preceding paragraphs as adding up to a perfect day. But the underlying reality in all this, is the Lord gently saying, "See? Listen to me. Trust me. Even when it makes no sense. Even when you can't understand what I'm asking of you, when you think it will make things more difficult. Even when all circumstance seems to be drastically against you, my mercy holds you, you are my own." He guided every seemingly catastrophic step. And he was glad that I listened and responded when asked to do something that didn't make sense. He was showing me the joy that comes with heeding him in all things.

After my exam I headed to Mass, struck up a wonderful conversation with a passing priest and sister I met on the way, and walked in to find one of my dearest friends in Rome (who I never see) sitting in the pew. She looks up and says, "Omygosh! I came here b/c I hoped I'd somehow see you!" I don't typically go to this church. And never at this time. We went out afterwards and talked and it was lovely. I came home and a package was on the doorstep from my parents. And I have two whole days between this moment and my next exam (to study of course...)

I know many of you have been praying for me. Trust me, without you, I couldn't be here. I couldn't still be standing and I'm not sure I would have been disposed to receive the graces the Lord wanted to give me. Thank you. Sorry this is so absurdly long. I promise it is only because I love you and want to share my life with you!

In parting, listen to this Song. It is my heart this day. "God give us peace and grace from you, all the day through."

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